The 10 Politeness Phrases Tourists Butcher (Say Each, Get Scored)

Every guide to visiting France tells you the same thing: say bonjour when you walk into a shop, say merci when you leave, and people will be kinder to you. That advice is right. What the guides leave out is that these are the words tourists mispronounce most, because they are the ones you learned first, from English speakers, long before you thought about French sounds.

So the shopkeeper hears bonjour and knows straight away that the rest of the conversation can happen in English. You were polite. The way you said it gave you away.

Ten phrases cover almost every polite moment a visitor has. Between them they contain four traps, and if you fix those four you fix all ten.

The 10 phrases

Say each one out loud before you read the notes. Reading the column silently tells you nothing, because your eyes know these words better than your mouth does.

Trap 1 — The n you should not hear

Three of the ten (bonjour, pardon, de rien) contain a nasal vowel, and English speakers say every one of them with a real [n] at the end.

In French, on before a consonant or at the end of a word is not "o" plus "n". It is a single vowel, [ɔ̃], with air going out through the nose. The tongue never touches the roof of the mouth. If you feel the tip of your tongue tap behind your teeth in bonjour, you have just said an English n.

• Bonjour [bɔ̃·ʒuʁ]: the first syllable is just [bɔ̃]. Then comes [ʒ], the sound in the middle of measure, not the j of jump.
• Pardon [paʁ·dɔ̃]: the word ends on the vowel. Nothing comes after it.
• De rien [də ʁjɛ̃]: rien is one syllable, [ʁjɛ̃]. English speakers split it into "ree-EN", which gives it two syllables and an n it does not have.

→ The mechanics, drilled on more words: French Nasal Vowels AN EN ON IN: Practice Without Pronouncing the N

Trap 2 — Monsieur is not "mon", and beaucoup is not "beau cul"

This is the trap that turns a polite phrase into a joke.

Monsieur is spelled mon-, but it is said [mə], with the short, weak e of le and de. There is no nasal vowel in it at all. Then -sieur is [sjø]: an [s], a quick [j] like the y in yes, and the rounded vowel [ø], with no r at the end. "Mon-SURE" gets three things wrong in two syllables.

Merci beaucoup goes wrong at the last vowel. Coup is [ku], with the "oo" of food. But many English speakers, having heard that French has a "ü" sound, overcorrect and push it forward to [ky]. And beau cul [bo ky] means "nice backside". French speakers will understand what you meant. They will also notice what you said.

The difference is the [u]/[y] contrast, the same one that separates dessous (under) from dessus (on top) and roue (wheel) from rue (street). For [u], round your lips and pull the tongue back. For [y], keep the lips just as round but push the tongue forward, as if you were saying [i].

The same vowel turns up in phrase 5: Excusez-moi is [ɛk·sky·ze], with [y] in -cu-. Here English speakers make the opposite mistake and say "ex-KOO-zay". So the two phrases test you in opposite directions: beaucoup needs [u], excusez needs [y].

→ Twenty pairs of exactly this contrast, scored: French U vs OU Pronunciation Practice: 20 Minimal Pairs, Scored

Trap 3 — The English r, and the English "ay"

Merci, bonjour and au revoir each have a French r, [ʁ], made at the back of the throat, close to where you make a g. The English r curls the tongue tip up and back, and in merci it swallows the vowel before it, so [mɛʁ] comes out as "mur". The French vowel is [ɛ], the e of bed, and it stays clear right up to the r.

At the end of au revoir, English speakers often drop the r altogether ("oh-ruh-VWAH"), the way a British speaker drops it at the end of car. In French it is said. The word ends on [ʁ].

S'il vous plaît has a different problem. Plaît is [plɛ], one pure vowel. The English "play" is a glide, "pleh-ee", that slides upward at the end. Hold the vowel steady and stop. The same goes for the [e] at the end of excusez: it is not "zay" but a short, tight [ze] that does not move.

→ If the r is the sound that collapses: The French R for English Speakers: 12 Words, 5 Minutes a Day

Trap 4 — Stress on the wrong syllable

English stresses one syllable hard and squashes the others: "MAD-um", "PAR-don", "BOH-koo". French gives every syllable roughly the same length and puts a light lift on the last syllable of the phrase.

• Madame [ma·dam]: two equal syllables, with the second slightly longer. The English "MAD-um" reduces the second a to "uh". The French keeps it a full [a].
• Pardon [paʁ·dɔ̃]: the weight falls on -don, not on par-.
• Merci beaucoup [mɛʁ·si bo·ku]: four even beats, rising slightly on -coup. It is not "MER-see BOH-koo" with two heavy hits.

This matters more than any single sound, because it shapes the whole phrase. A French listener can follow a slightly wrong vowel. Wrong rhythm is what makes them switch to English.

→ The full argument: Why French People Switch to English (It's Your Rhythm, Not Your Grammar) and You're Stressing the Wrong Syllable: 20 French Phrases, Scored

What happens to au revoir in real speech

Say au revoir slowly and it has three syllables: [o ʁə·vwaʁ]. At normal speed, most French speakers drop the weak e and say [oʁ·vwaʁ], two syllables. A shopkeeper calling it after you as you leave will almost certainly say the short version.

Both are correct. Learn the three-syllable version first, so that each sound is in place. Then let it shrink. Going the other way doesn't work: if you start from the short version, the r after au is usually the first thing to disappear, and you end up with "oh-VWAH".

→ Why that e is so weak, and where else it vanishes: The Disappearing E: Why "Je ne sais pas" Becomes "Chais pas"

Drill 1 — The four traps, isolated

Say each pair. The second item in each pair is the version tourists produce, which is the one to avoid.

Drill 2 — The sentences you will actually say

The test is not saying the phrase on its own. It is saying it in the middle of a sentence, to a stranger, a little too fast.

1. Bonjour, madame.
2. Bonjour, monsieur. Un café, s'il vous plaît.
3. Excusez-moi, monsieur, la gare, c'est par où ?
4. Pardon, je ne parle pas très bien français.
5. Merci beaucoup, madame. Bonne journée !
6. Merci, au revoir !
7. — Merci ! — De rien.
8. Je vous en prie.

Sentence 3 tests both sides of Trap 2 in one breath. Excusez needs [y], and par où [paʁ u] needs [u]. Sentence 8 is the more formal answer to merci, and it has a liaison: vous en is said [vu·zɑ̃], with the s of vous carried onto en as a [z].

At the boulangerie

Boulangère — Bonjour ! Vous — Bonjour, madame. Une baguette, s'il vous plaît. Boulangère — Et avec ceci ? Vous — Deux croissants, aussi. Boulangère — Trois euros quarante, s'il vous plaît. Vous — Voilà. Merci beaucoup. Boulangère — Merci à vous. Bonne journée ! Vous — Merci, vous aussi. Au revoir !

That is eight short lines with six of the ten phrases in them. Say it aloud twice, the second time at the speed you would actually use in the shop.

→ If croissant is the word in that exchange you are not sure of: How to Pronounce Croissant in French

FAQ

Does pronunciation really matter if I'm being polite?

The politeness comes from saying the words at all. Walking into a French shop without bonjour is a real breach, and no accent fixes that. But once you have said it, how it sounded decides which language the rest of the exchange happens in.

Is bonjour madame too formal?

No. Adding madame or monsieur after bonjour is ordinary politeness for a stranger behind a counter, and plain bonjour on its own is slightly flatter. Using the title is not a mistake. The mistake is pronouncing monsieur with "mon".

When do I switch from bonjour to bonsoir?

In the early evening, roughly when it gets dark or when you would start thinking about dinner. Bonsoir [bɔ̃·swaʁ] has the same nasal and the same final r as bonjour, so it uses traps 1 and 3 again.

Is merci beaucoup more polite than merci?

It is warmer, not more correct. For a quick exchange, a clear merci is enough. Merci beaucoup is for when someone has actually done something for you. Given Trap 2, it is also the phrase where a wrong vowel costs the most.

What about de rien versus je vous en prie?

De rien ("it's nothing") is casual and fine almost everywhere. Je vous en prie is the more formal answer you will hear from shop and hotel staff. → More on both: Please and Thank You in French: Politeness Basics

Other ways to say it

Each of these phrases has more casual and more formal relatives: salut and coucou, merci mille fois, désolé, à plus. They are collected, with notes on when to use each one, here:

• 9 Ways to Say Hello in French
• 9 Ways to Say Goodbye in French
• 9 Ways to Say Thank You in French
• 9 Ways to Say Please in French
• 9 Ways to Say Excuse Me in French
• 9 Ways to Say Sorry in French

Say them and find out

The table above tells you what monsieur should sound like. It cannot tell you whether the word you just said had an n in it, or whether beaucoup ended in [u] or [y]. Those are the errors you cannot hear yourself, because your ear sorts French sounds into English categories before you notice the difference.

Say the ten phrases into Simply French and get each one scored, sound by sound, before you walk into the shop.

Related

• French U vs OU Pronunciation Practice: 20 Minimal Pairs, Scored
• French Nasal Vowels AN EN ON IN: Practice Without Pronouncing the N
• Why French People Switch to English (It's Your Rhythm, Not Your Grammar)
• 50 French Minimal Pairs to Train Your Mouth (with Instant Scoring)
• The 15 Hardest French Words — Say Them, Score Them, Beat Them